


Sex Pollen is Not the Answer

by Alsike



Category: Marvel (Comics), Spider-Woman (Comic), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Drugged Sex, Dubious Consent, F/F, Hydra (Marvel), Jess is the most screwed over person ever, Not Actually Sex Pollen, Pheromones, Sex Pollen, besides Wolverine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 06:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4009924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alsike/pseuds/Alsike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, an inadvertent drug and pheromone induced hook-up on top of a mountain is not the worst thing to ever happen between friends. But mostly it is.</p><p>Yeah, pretty much it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Pollen is Not the Answer

**Author's Note:**

> I am just helplessly writing idiotic Jess/Carol fic. I'm sorry.

“So, Captain Hotpants, thought you might want to know. Your spider girl seems to have gone missing.”

Carol grabbed the Stark training robot in front of her and twisted its head off its neck. 

“Whoa, vicious,” Peter commented, and Carol threw the remains of the head at him, which he barely dodged.

“What the hell? Tony. What do you mean Jess is missing!” She snapped, landing on the launch pad at the top of the training room.

“Yeah, well, Jarvis got the reports, and it looks like Jolly Green Jenny found her door open and her place smashed up. More than usual. She knows about the ‘renovations.’ And Jess wasn’t there, and she’s not picking up her phone or answering her avengers comm.”

“Shit.” Carol said.

“She might just be off making trouble for herself.”

“I know.”

She didn’t care. She took the fast elevator to the top of the tower and flew to Jess’s place.

Jen was in the hall outside Jess’s door with the stupid private detective sign she’d never taken down, and nodded when she saw Carol. She was big and green, and as she tended to do her office-work not big and green, that was a bad sign. 

“Wondered when you’d get here.”

“I came when I heard.”

“I didn’t tell the cops but,” Jen made a moue. “It smells like Hydra.”

“Fuck.”

***

Finding Hydra bases was something Carol could do in her sleep, but finding the one that had Jess, that wasn’t so easy. Avengers and SHIELD information channels did their best. But it was the other rumbles in the wind that Carol didn’t like hearing, rumbles about the Hellfire Club, and breeding super soldiers, and Madam Hydra being even more nuts than usual, and not in a good way.

She’d always had a thing for Jess, and Jess being in her clutches made Carol sick inside.

Carol wasn’t known for subtle, but when they finally got a good lead, she went undercover. You didn’t risk it when they had a hostage.

But finding Jess, naked and sweaty and dazed, tied up and being taunted by Viper, that was too much. Carol held it together until Viper sauntered up to play with Jess’s spit slick mouth. She was rubbing her fingers over her lower lip, pushing them into her like she was fucking her, spreading them wide to distend her cheeks, and then smacking her across the face so hard that her lip bled.

Fuck undercover. Carol zoomed in and punched that crazy woman as hard as she could, grabbed Jess and got the hell out of dodge, cradling her charge in front of her to protect her from stray bullets.

Carol landed on a deserted mountaintop to check her over, and Jess was staring into her eyes, looking all confused and soulful.

“Carol,” she said. Thank god, no amnesia, though other forms of brainwashing were still a possibility. “Carol.” Jess said agin, smiling loopily. Then she leaned in and kissed her.

Shocked, Carol responded on automatic. Jess had gotten sex-pollened. Which… made her want to kill Viper and every single person she worked with even more.

Jess was a good kisser.

Carol leaned in for more, opening her mouth for more of it. Jess smelled delicious. She tasted delicious. She was wonderful. She needed to be worshipped.

“Jessica,” Carol mumbled. Her knees melted, and they slipped down to kiss more in the long grass. “I think… are you…” _using your pheromones?_ But then Jess was sucking on her tongue and speech along with conscious thought were gone.

***

“Fuck.”

It was Jess’s voice, obviously.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Carol groaned and tried to roll over. “Can you just give me five more minutes before we go into why you’re the most screwed over person in the universe after Wolverine?”

There was silence.

Carol’s desire to sleep departed. Silent Jess was never a good thing. She blinked. “What?”

Jess was sitting hunched up, arms around her knees, mostly naked with Carol’s Hydra uniform jacket over her shoulders.

Naked was only the first step. The hickies on her throat and chest as well as the fingerprint bruises _everywhere_ (god Carol hated super strength sometimes, and bruises meant she’d pressed down _hard_ to beat Jess’s healing factor), she was looking thoroughly fucked. And… assuming the stickiness between her legs was an indicator, she wasn’t the only one.

Carol groaned and hung her head in her hands. “I hate sex pollen.”

“I’m sorry,” Jess mumbled.

Carol scowled and started inspecting the bruise left on her clavicle. The… bite mark. And fuck that had to have been a good bite to leave a mark on her. “Why are you sorry? Did you ask to get kidnapped by Hydra and sex pollened?”

Jess shook her head, still not looking up. “That’s not all they did.”

Carol shut her eyes, just hoping against hope that they hadn’t found her too late to save her more trauma. It only took a few minutes for shit to go bad.

“They fixed my pheromones.”

Carol blinked.

Jess offered her a self-hating smile. “Now I can feel gross about manipulating girls as well as boys.” She swallowed hard. “Even you.”

“I’m sorry, Jess.”

“Why are _you_ sorry?! I forced you to—”

Carol swooped toward her and pressed a hand against her mouth. “No. You don’t get to take responsibility for this. You were a mess. Totally sex pollened. If anything, it’s my fault. I didn’t follow protocol and get you to a safe house as soon as possible. But, god, Jess. You need to get checked out. What else did they do to you?”

“Oh, you know, a little torture, a little experimentation, a little foreplay with,” Jess made a face, “someone who wants me to call her mom.”

“Jess…”

“And then they got me to rape my best friend—”

“Jess!” Carol cupped the back of her head. “I’m okay. I mean, really, as if you could hurt me. I could swat you like a bug.”

“There’s no consent with pheromones,” Jess said, looking away.

“And there is no intent to harm when you’re messed up on them too.” Carol shook her head. “I’m not saying it’s ideal, but anyone else, yeah, this could have been awful. But it was you. So I’m okay.”

Jess looked up, lower lip quivering slightly, and Carol restrained herself from leaning in and kissing her.

Got to be a pheromone hangover, right?

***

“So, you two fucked things up, didn’t you?” Jen said. 

Carol winced. 

“You’re in New York, not outerspace, but I haven’t seen you dropping by, and,” Jen wrinkled her nose. “Don’t tell her this, but I can hear her crying at night.”

Carol shut her eyes. “Oh god.”

“Maybe you should go check on her?”

Carol sighed. “I was trying to give her some time. But, yeah, it’s been awkward. Post sex pollen awkward is always worse than pre sex pollen awkward.”

Jen’s eyes went wide. “You two got sex pollened?” She sounded gleeful. “Oh my god. I was sex pollened once. Best orgy of my life.”

Carol groaned. “This wasn’t quite…”

“Oh, come on. Sex pollen is great. You never have bad sex on it. It was good, right? It had to be.”

“Yeah, it was good.” Carol huffed out a sigh. “But it was… not consensual.”

She-Hulk made a face. “I’d think your general consent would sort of overlap this, unless someone was actively resisting.”

“What general consent?” Carol blinked at her. “There is not a clause in the Avenger’s contract that says we’re all okay with servicing each other when we are impaired by sexy needs. I know. I read it carefully because I don’t trust Tony. Anyway, Jess isn’t an Avenger anymore.”

Jen was staring at her as if she’d said something shocking.

“What?” Carol asked, a little annoyed.

“You’re not banging on the reg?” Jen made a face. “I was _sure_ you two were banging on the regular.”

Carol froze. “What?”

“I mean, you two are cute as fuck with your coffee dates and that weird superpowered footsie game and going flying together.” She-Hulk made a sad, kitten-like pout. “I ship you guys.”

“You… thought we were dating?”

Jen shrugged. “Or something. Married, maybe?” She grinned. “Nah. I figured you were FWB. And then when the sad little whimpers started, I figure she’d told you she wanted more and you’d shot her down.”

“I… no,” Carol said. “There was an incident.We…”

“Did the do.”

Carol sighed. “Yeah. She was impaired, and then she hit me with her pheromones, and…” It had been good. Jen was right. You never had bad sex pollen sex. It was just bodies and need and heat. But it didn’t have the cuddles and teasing that Carol would expect if… not that she had ever thought about having sex with Jess… but still, if she did think about it, she would have thought of it being different. “I tried to make her not feel guilty about it, because really, there is nothing that was her fault.”

“But this is Jess.”

“Yeah.”

***

“Did you really need to take on a whole alien invasion by yourself? _Again_?”

Carol blinked dazedly, not quite able to focus on Jess storming back and forth past the foot of her bed - one of the cots in Hank’s medlab. Carol tried to speak, but it came out as more of a moan.

But it was a loud enough moan for Jess to notice and move over to the side of the bed nearest her head. Carol blinked up at her, finally focusing on her face. She had such pretty eyes. Carol much preferred her new costume without the mask that didn’t let her see them.

“I should have known you’d wake up when I started yelling.”

Carol felt herself smile in a not particularly controlled manner. “Like it when you yell at me.”

Jess sank abruptly into the chair and flopped face first onto the bed. “You _suck_ , Carol.” She flailed out and caught her hand and Carol sighed happily at the squeeze. She was beginning to suspect she was on the good drugs. “We just got you back.”

“Love you, Jess.” Carol mumbled.

Jess groaned. “You’d better. I’m looking after that beast you call a cat. So get well soon, so you can get that monster out of my apartment.”

“Mmm,” Carol managed, feeling the pull of sleep, comforted by the fact that Jess didn’t hate her, and Jess knew now.

Jess leaned in, towards her cheek, going for a kiss goodbye, and Carol turned her head, lifting her chin to catch Jess’s lips with her own. For a moment it was just a chaste, gentle kiss. Then Jess stumbled back, sputtering, and turning an amusing shade of red.

“Oh my god, Carol. Can’t Hank’s super magic mutant morphine hit you like a normal person?”

She ducked out of the room, and Carol, self-satisfied, let the drugs take her.

***

“I need a date for Tony’s stupid party,” Carol groaned.

Jen gave her a look. “Not that I mind being the coffee buddy, but wouldn’t you used to go whine at Jess about this? I bet she’s feeling unloved.”

Carol made a sound of unhappiness.

“Also, I give terrible advice. But I do have some underwear models who are interested in deep women lined up.”

Carol blinked. “There are underwear models interested in deep women?”

“Deeper than me, apparently.”

Carol blinked and then shook her head. “Oh. Um, actually, the reason I’m not talking to Jess is—”

“Holy kitty litter!” She-Hulk crowed. “You’re finally going to get up the nerve to ask Jess?”

“I’m Captain Marvel! I don’t need nerve! I just…. need…” Carol made a face.

Jen huffed out an amused sound. “You need to know she’ll say yes.”

“Ugh.’ Carol rested her head in her hands. “Sex pollen is a terrible foundation for a relationship.”

She-Hulk snorted. “No joke there.”

“I don’t even know if she’s… up for it. For all I know all the sex she’s had with girls has been horribly non-consensual or brainwashed-torture.”

“Not to slow down your wildly gung-ho tendencies, but maybe you two need to have a heart to heart before you just come out with, ‘get photographed on my arm on the way to the party of the century?’”

“I want to go with her even if it’s not a date.”

She-Hulk gave Carol a very displeased look. “Then maybe you should ask her?” 

Carol made a face.

She-Hulk grabbed Carol by the collar and threw her through three walls into Jessica’s apartment.

Carol banged into the far wall of the room where Jessica slept on the couch and slid down to the floor with a groan.

Jess sat up, looking rumpled and still half asleep, sheets bunched around her waist. “What?”

“You’re paying for those walls, Jen!” Carol yelled.

“Come on. It’s not as if your spider-girl cares about plaster dust!”

Carol heard Jen leave the apartment, and Jess groaned and lay back down, pulling the pillow over her head. “Why are you in my apartment before noon? I had a stakeout last night.”

“Sorry,” Carol said. “I was pushed.”

“Through my wall. I liked that wall.”

“Sorry.”

Jess scrunched slightly and patted the now open spot by her head. Carol took the invitation and settled into it, tucking up her knees under her. Jess shifted again until she was curled up with her head in Carol’s lap. Gently, Carol started coming through her hair and getting out the plaster scraps that had settled there.

“Can we talk?” Carol asked.

“You can always talk to me,” Jess mumbled.

“Can we talk about… sex pollen.”

Jess slumped further into her lap. “There was no sex pollen. It was weird Hydra drugs and my pheromones. I don’t get why you keep calling it sex pollen.”

“Yeah. Well, say there was neither Hydra drugs nor pheromones involved. Would you… do that kind of thing?”

“I have had unimpaired sex, yes.”

“With girls?”

Jess went still. The gentle motion of her breath was arrested. “Not just any girl,” Jess said. “But… you and Viper aren’t the entirety of my terrible, terrible list.”

“That’s… good.”

Jess huffed out an annoyed half-snort. “That would be shit, right? My list is getting molested by Madame Hydra and doing my best friend against her will. Not that adding in three consensual bar hookups is a vast improvement, but whatever.”

Carol kept steadily petting Jess’s head.She wasn’t going to flinch, no matter how much she wanted to go find Viper and kill her at this very moment.

“Longer than mine, which, before you, mainly involved some groping in the air force showers.”

“Great,” Jess mumbled, sounding unexpectedly disappointed.

“Not that I wouldn’t have,” Carol protested mildly. “I’m just… not that subtle. Girls are confusing. It’s pretty obvious if a guy wants to hook up.”

“Yeah,” Jess mumbled. “No one would ever call you subtle.”

And oddly enough, those words gave her confidence. “So, being that I’m not that subtle, want to go to Tony’s party with me?”

“Sure,” Jess mumbled. Then, suddenly, Carol felt her body tense. “Wait, what?”

Carol looked down at her, letting her hair cascade like curtains around Jess’s face. Carol tapped Jess’s nose. “You. Me.” She tapped her own nose. “Tony’s party. Date.”

“Date?” Jess asked, voice wobbly. 

“Date.”

“Friends date?”

“Do you really think I would have set up asking you on a friends date by interrogating you on your history with lesbian sex?”

Jess was turning red again. “Date date.”

“Yup. I want you on my arm on the red carpet, and I want to dance with you, and I want to punch Clint if he tries to apologize again, and I want to kiss you behind the curtains, and seriously embarrass Cap if he catches us.”

Jess shifted, moving away from her and sitting up, rubbing her eyes and staring at Carol. Her bedhead was adorable, and Carol wanted to see it every morning.

“You’ve thought about this a lot,” Jess said.

“I think about you a lot.”

“But…” Jess looked down at herself. “You don’t want me. You don’t want… this.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Jess huffed, shifting uncomfortably to try and get the tanktop she slept in on straight. “Don’t give me that. Why would someone like you want a cranky, self-involved—”

“Jess!” Carol reached out and pressed a firm hand against her mouth. “Shut up. You’re my best friend, and if you can deal with that, you should realize that you’re not going to scare me off by talking yourself down. You’ll just piss me off. And… honestly,” Carol took her hand back and smirked. “I know you’re a mess. I like it.”

Jess gave her a very fierce, suspicious look.

“I’m a mess too.”

“You don’t show it.”

“I don’t wear it on my sleeve, if that’s what you mean. But you know me better than anyone. Do _you_ think I’m trauma free?”

Jess sighed and half her mouth twisted up into a wry smirk. “I don’t think any of us could say that.”

“I’m tough,” Carol said. “I bounce back. But sometimes I think I bounce like a rubber ball, in every direction. But you, you’re steady. You’re my tetherball post. And you tell me when I’m being stupid and comfort me when I’m a wreck. You’re my best friend, and you’ll always be my best friend. But I figured, maybe we could add cuddling and make-outs and a little co-dependence?”

Jessica was frowning seriously at her. “Is that your idea of what a relationship is?”

Carol shrugged. “I’m not really… good at relationships. I can do comrades in arms who have sex. But you’re special. I’m a little out of my depth.”

“I’m _special_.” Jess raised an eyebrow. “So you’re adding extra co-dependence.”

Carol wrinkled her nose. “It sounded better in my head.”

Jess rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot.”

“Your idiot?”

“You’ve always been that.” And finally, Jess grinned at her. “Fine. I’ll date your ass,” she said, and leaned in and kissed her. If they ended up making out suspended in mid-air, well, Carol was just going to blame it on being way too happy to not fly.

***

It wasn’t terribly embarrassing to come to Tony’s party in red and blue. Jess looked hot in red, and Carol figured if she picked a dark enough shade of blue they wouldn’t be accused of american-flag theming the place up.

She shouldn’t have worried. Baby Hawkeye had managed to drag Miss America Chavez along, and after being blinded by that color scheme, they probably counted as subtle.

The makeouts on the dance floor probably didn’t count as subtle. But Jess had her hair up and Carol pushed her behind a potted plant before molesting her neck.

Of course, though, it wasn’t Cap who found them, it was Silk and Anya. They gaped for about three seconds, and then decided to tease the hell out of both of them.

“Aww,” Silk said, pinching Jess’s face. “Does this mean that you won’t be my favorite grumpy spider avatar anymore? Are you going to be _happy_?”

“Not likely,” Anya said. “Even supersex isn’t going to stop Jess from being a downer. But Captain Marvel, I challenge you to try!”

“Oh shut up,” Jess groaned. “And don’t touch my face. Only Carol’s allowed to do weird things to my face.”

“Oh? I’m allowed now?” Carol asked, grinning, and then they all tried touching Jess’s face until she venom blasted them.

When Silk and Anya had finally gone off in search of fruity drinks, Jess leaned into Carol and breathed for a moment. “You know,” she muttered, under her breath. “It’s probably good we’re dating, since we already have the most annoying kids.”

Carol laughed and pulled her in more tightly, then dipped her for a kiss.

It was a good shot.

Carol didn’t even mind that Tony made it the background screen for every single flat surface in the Tower.

 

FIN


End file.
